ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
my poor anus
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
