Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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