...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
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