even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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