Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
