oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
