what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
50% drunk capacity currently
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
