I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
