Where did you get a picture of my penis
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
