So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
