I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
