i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
