Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
