Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
