barbara walters just said penis...
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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