we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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