Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
