i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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