Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
