i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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