im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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