all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
