bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize