It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
