And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
