onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
