No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
