I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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