i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
