I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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