ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
