Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
honey bunches of taint.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
