Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
