Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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