Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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