So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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