hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
