I showed him my bush... on skype.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
