So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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