sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize