Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
When did angry sex become our thing?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
