I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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