just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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