Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
