I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You're a waste of cheezeits
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
