Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
