you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize