I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
