I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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