Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
