I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
