i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
