I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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