she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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