Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
