he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Redeem this text for a blowjob
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
