If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
