am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
