Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
