turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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