and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
he just fucked me for my cheese..
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
