thus making me awesome and them whores
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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