Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
