She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize
