he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
