dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
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