I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize