i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
