I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
