Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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