Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize