i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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